Maybe it's about time they debut the talents of the long- forgotten, previously outtaken third Gallagher brother: autistic, pennywhistle- blowing Tosser Gallagher. (Hunker down in the studio and possibly re-think your incredibly narrow approach to pop tunesmithing, lads?) Being the stubborn Beatles snobs they are, though, they'll most likely continue with the same unforgivably lame Revolver- era Beatles knock-offs while making futile genuflections at the altar of Mr. Obviously, it's much easier for Oasis to package shit as diamonds and chuck it out among the entertainment- starved rabble, rather than actually try and transcend the vacuum they've been writing songs in for so long. I'm afraid this compilation just isn't enough to spark a renewed interest in these quickly fading toss-pots.

You begin to realize they might not even pass for a good imitation of Wings, really. Oasis' Beatles affectations reach unintentional comedic heights on an extended live version of 'I Am The Walrus,' where Liam turns in a real wheeze of a vocal performance. 'Going Nowhere' is thoughtless, meandering orch-pop. 'The Swamp Song' is an endless, clumsy blues jam. But they're the kind of updated '60s power-pop anachronisms that Matthew Sweet had already perfected on 1991's Girlfriend and 1993's Altered Beast. On The Masterplan there are a few scattershot moments of crackling energy on 'Fade Away,' and 'Headshrinker' that certainly blow away 'Wonderwall' and 'Alcohol and Cigarettes,' for example. An' gimme another snort o' that fookin' Borax, chappie.'

That's where they usually find lost tapes. Check in a basement or dustbin or somethin'. 'Noel's brain's in hibernation, chaps,' you can hear Liam saying. Maybe the Gallagher brothers caught wind of Yoko Ono recently raiding her late hubby's closets for every last note, screech or belch he ever put on tape. Easy, eh? 'Blimey, look wot I found, it's The Lost Oasis Anthology!' And hey, what better time to hawk a few throwaway tunes to the general public? This previously- ignored garbage gets scraped from the bottom of some dumpster behind Epic records, and packaged as newly- discovered gleaming treasures. Now that Oasis, too, are bigger than Jesus Christ, they suddenly they find themselves at a major creative impasse.

The masterplan oasis